It’s been 6 months since I stopped writing and it’s been busy. I’ve decided to go ahead and resume my blog since I’ve used my time off to write a book (I’m in editing and should have it up on Amazon by next year) and to gain a lot of clarity and stability. Since my last post, I seriously contemplated suicide and reached near rock bottom. I held out and went to the doctor. He diagnosed me with Bipolar 2 (a more elusive type, but higher functioning). Basically, I’ll run manic until I’m too exhausted to continue and I’ll crash. Repeat. They wanted to put me on Lithium and/or some other heavy side effect drugs, but it’d mean monthly blood tests for me. I felt it’d cause me more stress to do the tests than it’d be worth, not to mention all the other risks. I decided to do more research and found a specific blend of Omega3 and a less risky form of Lithium. I didn’t end up needing the Lithium, because the Prozac I was already taking and the Omegas were leveling me out. Finally. I’ve learned some other methods of controlling my swings, which is the critical part of avoiding the heavier medications. Violent swings can cause repeated brain damage and cause the condition to get worse over time. Eventually, I’ll have to take the bad drugs, but I’m putting it off as long as possible.
I decided I wouldn’t just sit and mope, that I’d get out and do some living. Nearly as soon as I booked us a Valentine’s Day Train ride/dinner, I got a call that I won a car. I couldn’t believe it. My boyfriend had been saying since Christmas that I just needed to win us a car and I’d done it. I sold the car and paid off our property. It was a surreal experience. I got an email, gave it to a dealership, who gave me a check, which I got a receipt for at the bank, then I wrote a huge check and got a deed. It was all a bunch of paper trading.
Owning our house and planning our new house has been a salve for my anxiety. I’m finally secure in a place to live and with someone who loves me without question. My book is holding a lot of my attention right now, I’m dealing with a lot of existential ideas, which is a great puzzle to keep my brain busy. Hopefully more long showers will sort it out. We were drawn for elk again this year, so I’m also training moderately for that. I’ll be ramping it up in the coming months (hunting in October, only 4 months left! Gotta hurry!) to include heavy duty hiking and rifle upgrades. I’ll want to be in shape enough to carry 80lbs on my back at 10,000 feet for a few miles. I can do it now, but it’d be nice not to be so sore this year. The yard is also taking up a lot of my time. I’m making myself an oasis in preparation for Summer. I’ve got a great fire pit and hammock and more on the way. Things are good.
Thank you for your support while I was missing in action. The hits on this site have only increased since I stopped writing. Your readership has encouraged me to get back on the horse.