Thanks for Making Me a Fighter

I’ve spent most of my life as the quiet girl; meek, obedient and sweet. I considered my totem animal to be something like a rabbit or an otter. Now, I realize I’ve been denying myself my own power. I’m not a rabbit or an otter. I’m a wolf. I spent my whole life in sheepskin until I was back into a corner. *Check here for the background https://accordingtoleanne.com/2012/11/20/an-open-letter-to-my-abuser/ At first I was afraid and I ran and cried, but now, I’m done running. I’m going to stand and fight when I am challenged and I’m going to win. I’ve embraced an anger that has been simmering and bubbling beneath the surface my entire life, building under my tightly sealed lid. I’ve always been afraid of my anger, there’s so much of it and it’s the white hot, terrible rage of my father. I’ve been afraid my whole life that the rage would burn me up if I ever allowed it out into the light, but I’m learning to control the fire. I’m learning to temper it down to the cold, calculating anger of my mother. I feel feral sometimes, like I’d actually growl and bare teeth at anyone who dared to cross me. Anger stiffens my spine and I hold my chin up where I was a doormat before. I never realized it before, but I’m an alpha female. I provide for myself, I protect and defend the weak and I’m not to be messed with.  My burdens feel good and my back strong as I bare them. It feels good to be a fighter, to thrash against injustice, to call out when I see wrongdoing and to speak my mind. Being a wolf feels good.

Courage isn’t being fearless, it’s doing things in spite of your fears.

~ by accordingtoleanne on December 8, 2012.

One Response to “Thanks for Making Me a Fighter”

  1. We are only what we are and we must stand for this or we are consumed by the evil of society and become cattle grazing the pasture! I love this!

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