The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

I just finished reading this book last night. It had some interesting insights, but went a little too extreme at times for me. It’s basically about how to appreciate your husband rather than focus on the negative and how men tend to respond to positive reinforcement. Doesn’t everybody? I know I do. The books’ chapters include nagging, men and their feelings, saying what you mean/speaking plainly, sex, respect and guy time. A lot of what this book covers I’ve figured out on my own from trial and error (sorry to my exes for my bad behavior…) but a few things stood out for me.

“I remember one fax to my radio program from a woman whose husband had died. She commented that she saw a lot of her friends complaining and whining about stupid stuff in their marriages. She reflected on how these women didn’t realize how lucky they were to have those little problems in their lives and should be happy to have someone to care for and worry over.”

I think the next time Cabo is doing something that irritates me, I need to think about how I could not have him at all. It’s definitely a perspective changer.

“Perhaps this story, told by Louise’s minister will help:
A grandfather was talking to his grandson. ‘Grandson, ‘ he said, ‘there are two wolves living in my heart and they are at war with each other. One is vicious and cruel, the other is wise and kind.’ ‘Grandfather, ‘ said the alarmed grandson, ‘which one will win?’
‘The one I feed,’ said the grandfather.”

I think this is a pretty good analogy for how we treat all people in our lives. We can treat them with cruelty or with kindness, if you continually choose kindness, the anger and cruelty in you fades.

I learned quite a bit about men and sex from the book. I’m going to be working on that in my own relationship. The men in the book desire sex, not as a physical release or for the pleasure, but because men are more physical beings (as well as action based) and need that physical closeness to feel loved and complete in the relationship. A lot of the ‘I’m tired’ stuff goes on, but in reality, how much effort/time is it really going to take? I find myself tired or not feeling like it a lot, but I am going to work at not rejecting advances as often.

“As one listener, Joanne, pointed out, ‘The care and feeding of husbands is, bottom line, to walk a mile in their shoes.'”

~ by accordingtoleanne on March 20, 2010.

2 Responses to “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”

  1. I agree with a lot of what you said here and what the book purports, but I don’t agree with all of this! You do have the right to not want to have sex every waking moment – or only when he wants to. If you don’t feel good, if you are tired, etc., you should be able to state that and feel just fine about that – so should he. I also do not think you can walk a mile in their shoes – they really are very different from women….they have different feelings and different needs – they are much more base than women. But you should be encouraging and as sweet as you can be – that is all part of being in a relationship – getting along and not causing chaos.

  2. I do, but I rarely want it and most of the time I’m just tired and will get over it. It only takes a few minutes to show him some love, it’s not really that much to ask

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