The oddities of family and growing up

It’s odd how relationships change. I’ve always been really close to my mom and went to her for advice, but since I’ve moved away, I’ve felt like she’s pulled back and hasn’t been very involved. My father, who I haven’t been very close with and have had a very rocky relationship with, has started to fill the gap. I’m finding the whole thing very strange. I suppose when I was younger I was more like my mother and related to her more, but as I’m getting older, I’m becoming more like my father and reaching out more.

A good example of what I mean is this blog. I asked my mom to read it and tell me what she thought. I didn’t hear anything, so I called. She said, “It’s too casual and folky. It’s not very extraordinary.” I post a blog asking who reads my blog and I get a comment from my dad saying he reads it every day. Another similar example is my excitement when I get an article published and show my parents. My mom kinda grumbles, but my dad is always enthusiastic. As lame as it is, I still seek their approval even though I’m ‘grown-up’. A harsh word is as crushing as it was when I was a child and encouragement just as valuable, even if my writing sucks.

As I’ve gotten older and I think my parents have both changed a bit, I’ve become more positive and adapted a more live for the moment lifestyle. My dad seems to have gone in this direction as well and become more mischievous. I like to think he picked that up from me, but I think he was trouble to start with and got distracted with being an ‘adult’. My mom has always been very involved with her work and has continued that way. It makes me sad that we’ve grown apart, even though I’m glad that me and my dad are getting along, I wish that I could be close with both at the same time.

After this last visit, my mom has said she wants to keep in better touch. I’m glad she wants to talk to me again, I think she’s been pissed I moved away and have been with a guy she isn’t sure of. I know I’m not much of a phone person and it’s hard to find time to get on the phone just to talk, but I’ll have to try. I do try to blog a lot of my personal life and post lots of pictures and videos for my family and friends that I don’t necessarily talk to often, but I think it’s a gap in technology.

~ by accordingtoleanne on January 5, 2010.

2 Responses to “The oddities of family and growing up”

  1. I think everyone changes during life, some come full circle and some just keep searching. I wish I had had the opportunity to do a blog when I was your age, it is a great way to journal/communicate with yourself and people in your life. I hope you keep your entries for a future re-read for a perspective that is invaluable.

    I have things I wrote during the Wentwoth transition, seems I had thoughts coming out of every pore then, and I periodically re-read them and the messages change as I do.

    You make an observation of my life. Looking back this is what I see (this time). I have always known that you must honor and cherish each day, because it is the only one you really know you have. I would hope you can gain this perspective without having near death episodes that I experienced in my twenties. However, there were some times in my life when this became muddled and out of focus. Things are very clear now for me, I know what will come, and I am at peace with it. Everything comes with a price, the lesson for you is free.

    Love
    Dad

  2. Hello, first I want to say that I follow your blog. Great post, I totally agree with you. Have a great day mate.

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