PMS and You: A guide for guys

PMS (Premenstral Syndrome) is a cute name for ‘your normally sweet and laid back girlfriend is about to turn vicious’. Some women don’t get it, some get it a little bit and some get it really bad. Symptoms can include, crankiness, sore muscles, cramps,  throwing fits,  headache, bloating, fatigue, mood swings, irritability, stress, anxiety and insomnia. About 80% of women experience some form of PMS. The odds are against you, sorry.

It’s theorized that PMS is a mechanism to get rid of infertile male partners. In this theory, the symptoms would start after a few menstrual cycles and prompt the female to reject the infertile male by increased irritability and nagging. Baboons seem to have similar patterns. While getting pregnant and serial monogamy were great for prehistoric people, modern couples tend to stay together much longer before deciding to have a baby (or not at all) so this creates a problem for the modern man.

What can you do to keep the peace?

First of all, when your female companion is acting hostile and/or nagging, cranky, difficult, do NOT point out to her that it’s getting to be that time of the month. If it is, it’s going to piss her off. If it isn’t, you’re going to seem like an idiot and piss her off.

Second, be ready to cater to cravings. Think of it as practice for late night ice cream and pickle runs when she’s pregnant. Whatever she asks for, just do it, but pay attention to what she asks for, it’s most likely going to be very specific and nothing but the exact thing will do. Oh, and don’t whine when she sends you to the store for tampons. (If you’re too embarrassed and hate buying tampons, try to keep tabs on them throughout the month, that way, you can remind her to get them when she’s running low)

Third, listen intently to everything she says and disregard about half of it. She’s going to get upset about things that are usually mildly annoying. Once she’s done PMSing, she’ll forget about it. She may also be inclined to pick fights, do NOT take the bait. Agree with her regardless of what you really think.

Fourth, this is NOT a good time to talk to her about her weight. Bloating and cramps make women feel fat and unattractive to begin with. AVOID going shopping. Clothes that normally fit, probably won’t and she’ll have to go up a size and feel crummy about it.

Fifth, let her eat an entire pint of ice cream. Just do it. Don’t say anything about it, just let her do what she’s going to do.

Sixth, heat pads and ibuprofen are your friends. Use them liberally.

Finally, and probably most importantly, remember that it’s temporary. She doesn’t want to be the raving monster that you’re seeing. It’ll last for a few days and if you lay low, you’ll survive to fight another month.


~ by accordingtoleanne on December 15, 2009.

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