Tag Archives: abuse

Thanks for Making Me a Fighter

I’ve spent most of my life as the quiet girl; meek, obedient and sweet. I considered my totem animal to be something like a rabbit or an otter. Now, I realize I’ve been denying myself my own power. I’m not a rabbit or an otter. I’m a wolf. I spent my whole life in sheepskin until I was back into a corner. *Check here for the background http://accordingtoleanne.com/2012/11/20/an-open-letter-to-my-abuser/ At first I was afraid and I ran and cried, but now, I’m done running. I’m going to stand and fight when I am challenged and I’m going to win. I’ve embraced an anger that has been simmering and bubbling beneath the surface my entire life, building under my tightly sealed lid. I’ve always been afraid of my anger, there’s so much of it and it’s the white hot, terrible rage of my father. I’ve been afraid my whole life that the rage would burn me up if I ever allowed it out into the light, but I’m learning to control the fire. I’m learning to temper it down to the cold, calculating anger of my mother. I feel feral sometimes, like I’d actually growl and bare teeth at anyone who dared to cross me. Anger stiffens my spine and I hold my chin up where I was a doormat before. I never realized it before, but I’m an alpha female. I provide for myself, I protect and defend the weak and I’m not to be messed with.  My burdens feel good and my back strong as I bare them. It feels good to be a fighter, to thrash against injustice, to call out when I see wrongdoing and to speak my mind. Being a wolf feels good.

Courage isn’t being fearless, it’s doing things in spite of your fears.

An Open Letter to My Abuser

It’s been 2 years since you tried to kill me in a drunken rage that I had no blame for. I remember the night well. December 8, 2010. I sat there while you held a gun to my head and forced me to cock it myself. You laughed manically as I cried, realizing that I couldn’t protect my cats from you once you killed me. You kept me there for hours while you cocked it, held it to my head, removed it, laughed and repeated it. This was the worst part, not knowing if you’d torture me for hours before I died or if we could just get it over with. When you finally passed out drunk, I ran to the neighbors house and broke down. I decided that night to get out. It may have taken me over a month to formulate and fund my escape plan, but that night was the night I decided to get out. You see, you systematically tore away my independence. Heaping your bills on me and forcing me to get food stamps to buy groceries with while you made 80K a year. You forced me to get braces and ruined my teeth. You allowed me the use of your vehicles, but left no doubt that they were NOT mine. I had to enlist the help of several compatriots to manage my escape. I have no doubt if you had any inkling of my plans, you would have killed me. But, I escaped. Or so I thought.

For the last 2 years, you have harassed me in any way you can think of. I changed my phone number, routed your emails and comments to spam, but you change your email address and do it anyway. For the last 2 years, you’ve terrorized me and my mind broke. I had multiple panic attacks a day from the trauma of that night that won’t heal because of your constant tormenting. Something in my mind has snapped again, only this time it’s not fear. It’s rage. I’m not afraid of you any more. You see, these 2 years have been a time of growth and discovery for me and you know what I discovered? That I’m a bad ass and that you’re a coward behind a keyboard. You’ve been harassing me for longer than our relationship lasted in the first place and it stops NOW. From today forward, I will file a police report on any contact you make to me. I’ve already got a fat folder ready to go to my lawyer, over 60 emails and about as many text messages. Go ahead and give me the rope to hang you with. I dare you.

As if it weren’t bad enough how abusive and insane you were during the relationship. If anything, you owe me a GIANT apology. There is no excuse for this behavior. You were a constant terror. I cleaned up broken glass nearly every day from your drunken stupidity. I watched you drive blasted drunk to the park to do donuts in the parking lot. You tried to kill me. AND THEN, you have the audacity to harass me for 2 YEARS??!! You are a monster and you need to get help before you kill someone. That’s right, I ALMOST forgot. I’m not the only one you’ve done this to. I wasn’t the first or the last. I hear the girl after me got it worse.  This is a serial killer in the making, folks and no one is doing a thing about it.

This man is Sergio Salazar, he works for the US Navy as a civilian doing engineering for the computers on submarines. He’s got a top secret government clearance. Doesn’t that make you feel safe? They’ll apparently give these clearances to any alcoholic with violent tendencies. I have complained to his boss, NCIS, the CISSP ethics board and to the Kitsap county police and he still has a job. I plan to write to the Kitsap Sun to expose all of these agencies’ negligence if he isn’t stopped. Oh, and I figure you’d be cool with the picture since you’ve already sent nude ones of me to about everyone you could think of. Turnabout is fair play, although I won’t sink to your level, even though I have some awesome ones of you that will be much more embarrassing than mine were.

50 Shades of Abusive

I just finished reading the third book of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy and I have to say it’s not a very romantic story. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed reading it. But, I hope no women out there hold this as a goal for a relationship. Everything about Christian Grey screams abusive to me. I guess this is just coming from a place of being abused in a similar fashion (not the sexual stuff in the book!). You don’t need bruises for it to be abuse. (Also, as an aside; there is nothing inherently wrong or bad about the Domination/Submissive relationship, just be happy and love each other. I don’t care how you do it.) Men that charm you and then systematically take away your independence are not to be trusted. Especially when they display the obsessive controlling behavior in the book. I don’t want to spoil the book if anyone hasn’t read it yet, but PLEASE do not think this is a healthy way to live. I spent all three books waiting for him to go off the deep end and hurt/kill her. I know how this story ends in real life and it’s not a fairytale.

I got this list from http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/am-i-being-abused/ If you think you are being abused, get help!

Below is a list of possible signs of abuse. Some of these are illegal. All of them are wrong. You may be abused if your partner:

  • Monitors what you’re doing all the time
  • Unfairly accuses you of being unfaithful all the time
  • Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family
  • Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school
  • Gets very angry during and after drinking alcohol or using drugs
  • Controls how you spend your money
  • Controls your use of needed medicines
  • Decides things for you that you should be allowed to decide (like what to wear or eat)
  • Humiliates you in front of others
  • Destroys your property or things that you care about
  • Threatens to hurt you, the children, or pets
  • Hurts you (by hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting)
  • Uses (or threatens to use) a weapon against you
  • Forces you to have sex against your will
  • Controls your birth control or insists that you get pregnant
  • Blames you for his or her violent outbursts
  • Threatens to harm himself or herself when upset with you
  • Says things like, “If I can’t have you then no one can.”

Why we can’t save kids from bullying

As adults, we set an example for kids, even ones that aren’t our own and ones that we’ll never meet. Kids aren’t the only ones being bullied or bullying each other. Forums and comment sections are full of abuse of all kinds. Most of it is unwarranted. This blog, is subject to some abuse and for stupid reasons, mostly from reposting LOLcats and FailBlog. I can’t understand people that surf the web looking for people to dump on. Yes, you are anonymous (somewhat, I look up and report EVERY instance of abuse and harassment) but there are kids and teens online seeing all of this and they are following our example. If there is any hope of stopping ‘the bullying epidemic’ we need to stop it ourselves.

And, if you are thinking of posting a degrading, mean-spirited or rude comment, don’t bother. I’m not a wuss and neither is anyone else who you try to victimize. I will just report you to your ISP, they will investigate and I will delete your comment before it’s even seen. If you have a constructive, intellectual or theoretical comment that you can present in a civil manner, I’d love to hear from you and we can discuss and debate all day. If you want kids to change, snuff out the cyber-bullying. Ignore it, diffuse it, delete it.